My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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