We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
