How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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