Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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