if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
