my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize