I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
