In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
