did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
