I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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