it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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