i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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