Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
