I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
