soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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