i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just want to make out with him forever
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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