I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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