He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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