if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
