i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
