hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
