I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
