Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
