May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Couch. On fire.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
