You can't motorboat a personality
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
