My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Everclear isn't food dammit
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
