You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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