I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
