i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
