I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
