I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
