I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
