I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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