It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
