he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
