Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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