I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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