The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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