Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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