just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
