How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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