So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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