My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
