I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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