do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
