Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He kissed a someone with a penis
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
