I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
