ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
