would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
