he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
