very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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