I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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