How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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