well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
