omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize