we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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