my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
