I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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