my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
