there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
