Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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