i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
