i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
