He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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