It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
