Sry I called you an 8
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
