my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
