He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
