im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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